My Worst Nightmare! A Post I Never Wanted to Write.

I lost a sibling. The sibling closest in age to me. Joel died by suicide. This has been extremely difficult, heartbreaking, and complicated. Composing this has not been easy. Here is the obituary (written by my sister Jill):

"Joel (Jolyn) Benjamin Denning, beloved child, sibling, and friend, passed away November 20, 2025, in Utah at the age of 35.

Joel was born May 11, 1990, in San Diego, California to Richard Todd Denning and Laurie Langlois Denning. Joel graduated with a degree in Computer Science from Brigham Young University in 2014. He created single-spa, a useful tool for web developers, and Just Utah Coders, a nonprofit offering free computer programming services.

Joel was known for his infectious giggle which lit up every room he entered. He will be remembered as a skilled computer programmer, a thoughtful gift giver with a tender heart, a killer ping ponger, an even better tennis athlete, and a world-class Super Smash Brothers player. Joel was an avid hiker and traveler who enjoyed nature and thrived in the great outdoors. Joel had a pure love for animals and adored spending time at the Tracy Aviary and Hogle Zoo. His dog, Franklin, was the love of his life.

In his last few years, Joel was in the process of transitioning to Jolyn. Jolyn is survived by her parents, Rick and Laurie, her four siblings, Jeffrey Denning of Austin, Texas, Jillian Denning of Cape Cod, Massachusetts, Jenna Ditto of South Jordan, Utah, and Jessica Crandall of Riverton, Utah."

We had an intimate graveside service on Wednesday, November 26.

Jessica played "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" on the violin which invited a steady flow of tears for all.

Jeff shared this quote which hit home to us:

“Each one of us here today will at one time in our lives look upon a loved one who is in need and ask the same question: We are willing to help, Lord, but what, if anything, is needed? For it is true we can seldom help those closest to us. Either we don't know what part of ourselves to give or, more often than not, the part we have to give is not wanted. And so it is those we live with and should know who elude us. But we can still love them - we can love completely without complete understanding” (Norman Maclean, A River Runs Through It).

Jill quoted C. S. Lewis:

“But for them it was only the beginning of the real story. All their life in this world and all their adventures in Narnia had only been the cover and the title page: now at last they were beginning Chapter One of the Great Story which no one on earth has read: which goes on forever: in which every chapter is better than the one before” (C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle).

I talked about Joel's love of tennis. He was an incredible player and played on the high school team. I have such fond memories going to his tennis matches. Because of him, I love tennis. Joel and I went to the US open tennis tournament in NYC  in 2016 which was a dream come true for me. I was pregnant with James at the time and Joel bent over backwards to make me comfortable. I guess he learned early on that when I said I was hungry, we needed to act immediately before my mood plummeted. The rest of the trip, anytime I mentioned food, he dropped everything to fill me up. 

September 6, 2016

Sept 12, 2021

I also talked about seeing Joel chasing his car as it rolled down our backyard in Kentucky which still makes me giggle. He drove me to early morning seminary each morning and showed me good music to listen to. We spent a lot of time together in the car.  He helped me on my math homework regularly and was so patient with me. He was an amazing ping-pong player. He would even beat me left-handed.

Andrew mentioned knowing Joel professionally and working together at Canopy. Joel was a genius and left a huge hole when he left.  When he quit, it was to help those less fortunate than himself. When Andrew became one of the ones in need, Joel reached out and offered Andrew work while he searched for something more permanent. Andrew owes his career to Joel who suggested Andrew look into quality assurance.

My kids remember playing Mario Kart with Joel, going to the Tracy Aviary together, and Franklin and Joel coming over for dinner. In recent years, sadly Joel had distanced himself from our family even though we tried to reach out. For awhile, I had a goal to see Joel once a month. He came over to my house a few times last year. I also met him at the Tracy Aviary and drove him to the hospital.

March 3, 2024

February 24, 2024

Following the graveside service, we had lunch at my house. We had some of Joel's favorite foods: pizza from Marcos, Cheez its, banana cookies (nicknamed "Mormon cookies" in KY), and cinnamon rolls. I had the soundtrack from "A Goofy Movie" playing. Joel was a fan of that movie and one year for Christmas, got us all matching "Goofy Movie" t-shirts.

Dec 24, 2017

August 18, 2017

In honor of Jolyn, I wore a dress I found in her house to the graveside. We threw pink (Jolyn's favorite color) flowers into the ground as we said our final goodbyes. Grandma Langlois put in Joel's root beer float straw since they had root beer freezes while enjoying major tennis tournaments together.

The J 5 Dennings are no more. (Jeff, Jill, Joel, Jenna, Jessica) Joel's absence and tragic exit will always be part of us. I've had a lot of heartache and grief this year. I've become a crier. I've learned more about grief than I ever wanted. Grief is different for everyone. Hold your loved ones close.

January 2022

Wednesday, November 26, 2025

Season of Ghouls

For Halloween this year, James was Harry Potter, Isabelle dressed as Zoey from K-Pop Demon Hunters, and Penelope was Peppa Pig. We made the most of the holiday.

Andrew's company hosts a yearly trunk or treat party in the parking lot. Donuts and hot chocolate were involved. This year I actually got to go with the family since I wasn't teaching piano like last year.

The kids walked in the Halloween parade at school and Penelope and I went to cheer them on. My kids chose popular costumes. James was told he must be the real Harry because he had the best scar!

After school, we kept with tradition and got our free cookies at Crave for being dressed in Halloween costumes. As if we need more sugar. This year, they even let me get a cookie. In the past, it has been limited to children only. They also let us choose flavors other than chocolate chip.

This year my parent's had us over for a party on Halloween. There was silly string, a mummy toilet paper game, a dance party, and we ate jack o lantern pizza. We then went trick or treating at a few of their neighbor's homes. Lots of full sized candy bars were given out.

That evening, we went trick or treating with the Bai's. Jordan and James are friends and Isabelle and Alex. Jordan dressed as Malfoy which was perfect.

The amount of candy the kids got legitimately is making me ill! I have been taking some to schools and use it to bribe students to be nice to their poor sub. It has done the trick.

Just the full sized candy bars

Play with Mom and Dad!

I joined my parent's to watch the play "Suss" in Eccles theater in Salt Lake City. I had never heard of the play before going and didn't know much about it. It was about women's rights and the suffragettes. I really enjoyed it and learned so much! It made me want to read a book about that time so I know more. We all agreed that they could have trimmed the ending. 

Friday, November 14

Kindess Jar

The kids have been working on being nice. Each time they do something kind, I add a cotton ball to our jar. The jar finally got filled! We had a special movie night. We watched "Lilo and Stitch." We got popcorn from the theater as well as donuts. The next jar we are trying to fill is having "An Attitude of Gratitude." The kids have big ideas and want to go to Airborne after filling up the jar.

Ten Pounds in Texas

My brother's family moved back to Austin, Texas over the summer. James, Isabelle, and I flew to visit them for 2 special occasions. Esther got baptized and Simon got the priesthood! My kids were delighted to see their cousins as was I. My parents and Jessica came too! We stayed in an Airbnb together and rented a van.

My kids still talk about the number of waymo cars we saw! There are so many self driving cars there it's bizarre! We teased my mom for pronouncing the cars "wee-moo." I also learned a couple of noteworthy quotes on our trip... "High sizzle no steak" and "Ridden hard and put away wet." These led to some good belly laughs.

Some questions you may have... 

How was the baptism?

I really had to restrain myself from jumping right into food talk. We ate like queens hence the title of the blog. I'll start with the most important thing first!

Esther was baptized on Saturday, October 25. She thought of all the details and knew exactly what she wanted. She was so eager to get baptized. There were decorations which elevated the old church building. Esther had the idea to get a polaroid camera to take pictures on. It was so cute and such a unique way to document her special day. Esther wore a gorgeous flower crown. She picked out a classy baptism dress and shoes. In fact, someone commented that they wished they had worn a wedding dress like the dress Esther had. Esther planned everything and her parent's ensured it turned out just how she wanted.

After the ordinance, Esther changed at record speed! She rejected the idea of blow drying her hair. She didn't want to miss a moment of the meeting. 

Jessica played the violin and I was the pianist at the baptism. Jeff and Lindsey spoke. I got choked up. It was one of the most tender baptisms I've attended. The spirit was so strong and Jeff gave a talk that wasn't the typical baptism talk you hear. Both talks were inspiring and specific to Esther. Esther's grandmas were witnesses and her grandpas prayed. 

We had to take new pics because eyes were closed. This was the result. Bug eyes.

After the baptism, we ate cookies from Tiff's Treats. Lindsey works there and they were superb! The Dubai Chocolate was unforgettable. James had 5 snickerdoodles. Don't worry, he held back to ensure others got to try them too.

Family stayed at the church following the baptism for a dinner. We had Franklin's. That is the best BBQ around. People line up for hours. Jeff ordered the food ahead of time. We had brisket, ribs, and turkey. Good thing I was wearing a dress and didn't have to zip up pants. There were also veggie burgers since Esther prefers no meat.

We got Esther a kpop demon hunters Zoey tshirt to match with Izzy and nail stickers. The next day, Sunday, October 26 we attended their ward and saw Simon be ordained to the office of a deacon. He said he was happy to be the center of attention and to get the priesthood. We got him super Mario bros socks to wear as he passes the sacrament.

What did you eat?

I don't weigh myself often, so who knows how much weight I gained but if you're looking to put on a few pounds, Austin is calling!

Torchy's Tacos: I had a taco called "The Republican-" smoked beef brisket, barbeque sauce, crispy onions, grilled corn relish, cilantro with chipotle sauce on a flour tortilla. I learned you can have your taco "queso style" with cheese all over. I don't know that but it couldn't have been better. We ordered queso which was next level.

This was one of my favorite meals there!

All Day Pizza: They sell pizza by the slice and I of course got pepperoni. It was outstanding. Some of the best I've had. The pepperoni had the perfect amount of kick. I got a hot honey dipping sauce to go with it. They have pickle pizza and we tried that. Pickle lovers gave it a thumbs up. The Caesar salad was the best I've ever had. The dressing had miso and the croutons were grated.

Zed's Ice Cream: I had the pumpkin pie special and it was divine. Believe me because I'm having a hard time putting into words the outer crust/shell. They have delicious dairy free ice cream too.

All of that food was day 1! Jeff set the bar high! He knows what he's talking about. I told him I want him to come on every vacation with me and tell me where to eat and what to do.

Other restaurants

Bird, Bird, Biscuit: This was walking distance from where we stayed. The chicken was phenomenal! The sauce had a bit of a kick and made my nose run. Very filling! I loved the sweet honey sauce and could have had more of that.

Taco Joint: Right by campus. We had breakfast tacos--bacon, egg, and cheese. The homemade tortillas made them next level. They weren't too big either which was nice because trying to find room for all the food was a struggle.

Asados: I had a giant steak burrito. The meat was very flavorful. Jeff said this wasn't the best food he's had from there.

Cookies and Milk: I died and went to heaven. There was an ice cream flavor called milk and cookies and it tastes just like the milk at the bottom of your cup after you've dipped cookies in it. There were even cookie chunks. I ate every bite and also had a gooey, fresh cookie. This place was a homerun and left me one happy woman.

The Salty Donut: We went for breakfast. The brown butter donut was noteworthy. Also, our rental van could not back out of the parking lot due to a minor slope. After 2 attempts, my dad had to do a large turn and take the hill on facing forward. It started steaming and still makes me giggle thinking about it.

Cava's: Jessica has had Cava's in LA and loves it so we went. It's a healthy salad place and so flavorful! I would go back!

P Terry's: Fast food, but leagues above McDonald's. I loved the fries. The veggie burgers at the baptsim were from here too. Though I steered clear of those.

Taco Deli: Breakfast tacos that have potatoes in them! They're surprisingly good! We ate these in the airport on our way out of town.

What did you do?

We went swimming at the pool in Jeff and Lindsey's neighborhood. We scoped out multiple parks. We went on several walks and saw many ducks. One walk was downtown following the river. We played games-- Skull King and Just One. We toured the University of Texas campus and saw Jeff's office. We went souvenir shopping. James and Papa threw the football so much that Papa's arm was sore the next day. James' record was 37 catches/throws in a row. 

Why didn't Andrew and Penelope come along?

Andrew had taken the week before off of work for our S. Carolina trip. He didn't think it would be great to take off more work and had a lot to catch up on. Since Penelope is now 2, she is no longer free. Paying babysitters was cheaper than purchasing a ticket for her. Also, traveling without a 2 year old who naps and is demanding was nice.

Who watched Penelope? 

It really takes a village. We flew out early on Thursday, October 23. My niece Malia watched Penny for 4.5 hours and put Penelope down for a nap. After her quiet time (she pooped which ruined her nap), my friend Alison took her for the remainder of the afternoon.

On Friday, October 24, one of my young women, Lydia babysat Penelope for 4.5 hours. Penelope napped and then another young woman, Jordan played with Penny until Andrew was off of work.

Penelope got the one-on-one Daddy time she craves all weekend. Monday morning, my friend Meagan took Penny for a couple hours.

I am so grateful for friends! And Andrew! He is the best!

Our sleeping accommodations. I got to have a sleepover 4 nights in a row with these hooligans. I learned someone snores...

Figuring out how to turn/crank James' expander. I tried and failed even after a tutorial from Andrew. Jeff saw this pic in our shared google photo album and immediately texted concerned: "Is everything ok with James' teeth?" Made us chuckle so hard.

We got souvenirs and I have used my new Texas sweatshirt already. Who knew it was such a conversation starter!? The pharmacist wanted to talk football with me and quickly lost me... James' basketball coach saw the sweatshirt Andrew was wearing and commented on the teams bad year, and the orthodontist asked me if we're big University of Texas fans. I'm pretty clueless when it comes to football.

Already scheming about when we can all go back to Texas as a whole family. Jeff and Lindsey went all out for us! Still thinking about that roast and brown butter chocolate chip cookies Jeff made us. The company, food, and weather (in October) can't be beat!